yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
