Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
