Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
