She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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