Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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