Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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