she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
