Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize