She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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