well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
