oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
