I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize