Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
