I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
