I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
