i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
