Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize