So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
