Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
