Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize