is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
