I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even the bartender felt bad for me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
