haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize