you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
