If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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