So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
