Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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