i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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