i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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