there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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