I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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