IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
