So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Vodka?
Forever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
