you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
