shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize