I cockslap morals
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
