I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
