You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize