I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
