i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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