I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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