worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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