she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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