i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize