While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize