i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
