Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
