The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
