he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
