Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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