Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
