He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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