i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
