I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
