Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
