That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
