Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
