One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize