I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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