He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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