Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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