They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
