honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize