Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
