my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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