So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
