We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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