i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
