Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
