dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
