Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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