As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
