Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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