new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
