I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
