They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize