It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
