does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
