No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
