I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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