i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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