I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
